Insomnia and "Stay The Course"

 

Welcome to Hinge Moments! I hope you find blessings of encouragement here. Let me invite you to read beyond the story to view the thought, scripture, encouragement, and video I selected to help connect the entire post.

Some people have asked what is motivating me to write and share so intimately my life's story. What would possess me to seemingly invite scrutiny, almost certainly making myself vulnerable to other people's judgement and criticism? In a round about way, it's because of chronic insomnia. I’ve had trouble sleeping since I was an adolescent. I was accidentally shot in the head at age 12 and often physically abused by my dad. Therapists have suggested that the combination of those traumatic events during my formative years likely led to my persistent sleep issues. So, while I’m lying awake some nights struggling to sleep, I often fill my time doing something I love doing, reading and writing.

As I pondered more deeply the question as to why I am opening up like this, I decided to ask a close friend for his honest opinion on the matter. His answer in some ways surprised me and in another, hurt my feelings. He said that I was likely doing so in an attempt to set the record straight about events surrounding my divorce. Perhaps I am subconsciously and selfishly wanting to indirectly retaliate for the pain that has been inflicted upon me. Could it be true what they say that hurting people, hurt people? It seems plausible, although I've never seen myself as a vindictive person. My friend went on to add that he believed I was still trying to process the losses in my life and that writing was probably therapeutic. To this point he was more likely correct. With all this said, in my heart of hearts, I believe the most significant reason why I am choosing to share the highs and lows of my life is because God told me. Track with me on this one. I realize that we all have our varied belief systems about spiritual matters. You may wonder if God really does talk to people. For those who believe that He can, how exactly does he accomplish that communication and through what means? If you’d please indulge me this time, I’d like to describe an event that in my opinion was clearly God speaking to me through other people. I pray you might subsequently come away with a greater understanding and appreciation of this belief that God still speaks to us.

One of my favorite books is titled When Man Listens. It was written in the 1930s as part of the Oxford Group’s efforts to assist alcoholics. It was the precursor to the AA Big Book. The main idea of the book is that when man listens, God speaks. Cecil Rose, the author states that one of the great affirmations of a believers faith is that God speaks. "That is the tremendous fact around which both the Old and New Testaments are built-not that man can and may speak to God, but that God can and does speak to man...through conscience, through reason, through circumstances, or through other people." He speaks. The lingering question is, will I listen?

In the fall of 2019, I had recently become separated from my wife of 40 years and I was struggling with my mental health and an addiction to pain medicine. I was considering returning to a Christian treatment center in Florida but wasn’t convinced at that time that it would help. The mother of my children and I were not really on speaking terms. However, she did send me three separate one line emails in September of that year. Collectively they gave me the nudge I needed to make the nine hour trek back to Honey Lake Clinic in Greenville, Florida.

Her first email said, “Go back to Honey Lake.” The next said, “Stay the course.” And finally, the last one said, “I love you.” Of the three, her saying she still loved me was quite honestly the one that had me packing. I believed that our marriage, though truly on the ropes, was still a lifetime covenant and we’d somehow work it out. As it would turn out, it was the second email and the directive to “Stay the course.” that has held the most meaning. But not because she said it (although it was important) but because 3 1/2 years later God said it to me...several times actually.

And these are the details of the event where I believe God spoke to me and the impact those three words continue to have on me and life moving forward. This past October I began an online Seminary Master’s Degree program in Christian Counseling Specializing in Life Coaching. I had been out of school for 30 years and truly questioned my ability to endure the rigors of graduate work. Climbing that mountain just didn't seem realistic. A friend suggested that I view the mountain much smaller, as if it were a grain of sand. His advice was duly noted. I then reached out to several other friends to come alongside and pray for this part of my journey. 

A few months later, in January of this year I completed my first course. I submitted a 19-page paper as required for my final grade. The second week of the new year brought great relief and thankfulness. I had received a grade of an A+ and was simply on cloud nine. A few days later, I was having morning coffee with my roommate. During our conversation he said two significant things. As a wonderful encourager to me, he remarked, “Scott, great job on the successful completion of your first course” and then he emphatically said “Stay the course.” A rush of memories came back from her words years ago. Chills went down my spine. But wait...this gets much better. My roommate then suggests I reach out to my prayer partners to give them the exciting school update. I decided to send a text to them sharing the news. Five minutes passed and a dear friend who is a Pastor at Honey Lake in Florida replies to me, “Great job, Scott, stay the course!” I was stunned! Had he just repeated the same three words? I promise you that this is a complete and accurate account of that morning’s events. Ten minutes later I received a phone call from one other of my prayer partners. Bobby is a cherished high school friend who out of the gate said that my high school teachers would be so impressed and proud of this accomplishment. And here is the climax of the story, the true God moment. The moment that unequivocally affirms God speaking to me. Just before we hung up, he says in all seriousness and encouragement, “Scott, stay the course!” What are the chances that three friends would offer up the same three words of encouragement while communicating separate and independent of each other within an hour's time? Impossible, right? Well, they say that there are no coincidences in God's kingdom.

Armed with this revelation I realized that there was only one true option for me, to stay the course. To stay focused on Him utilizing the pain of brokenness. To benefit from this time of being sharpened and drawing closer to God. To now use my story to help give hope to others. Although God has said no to prayers for reconciliation, I know my life still matters to Him. My sharing of this story has already produced spiritual fruit.

I want my legacy to be of a redeemed man having a transformed heart. My life now to be selflessly lived in love and service to others. I want the pain of my past to continue to serve as inspiration to help others better know the love of Christ. Stay the course. That’s my mission. “Fall down seven times; get up eight.” That’s truly the reason I am sharing this story. Honoring God because he told me to tell others of his love and faithfulness; despite the storms, despite the disobedience, He never stops loving. Stay the course! I pray this account speaks to you. Because, you matter to Him too!

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Thought for the week:

Scripture for the week: “You're blessed when you stay on course, walking steadily on the road revealed by God. You’re blessed when you follow his directions, doing your best to find him.” -Psalm 119:1-2 MSG Version

Encouragement of the week:

“The Lord will make a way for you where no foot has been before.  That which, like a sea, threatens to drown you, shall be a highway for your escape.”

-Charles Spurgeon

Video of the week:

Up Next: God Moments

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